One of the most common things I hear from parents all the time is that they just don’t understand why their teen does certain things.  Funny enough, their kids say “My parents don’t understand me.” Wouldn’t it be great if you could be on the same page as your teen?

Here are 10 awesome questions you can use TODAY to get a better understanding of your teen right now.  

Tip: 1.Ask the question and listen to their answer. Do not argue.  This is for you to understand, it is not a conversation where you share what you think they should answer or how you would answer (unless they ask you).  It is okay to just accept their answer and process what they say over the next day or so.

2. Make sure it is a good time to ask the questions. Ask their permission. Set the stage for it to be a comfortable and non judgmental experience.  

1. “I’m Curious To See How You Feel Things Are Going With US”

It is really important to get a clear picture of what they see. You know what you think, feel, and see, but remember everyone has a different view of the same problem.

2. “What Is Your Idea Of A Healthy Relationship?”

This is a good question to see who they look at as their ‘ideal’ parent child relationship. You could also get insight into what they look like in friendships or dating too.  How healthy and mature are the qualities they are expressing?

3. “What Does A Mutually Respectful Relationship Look Like To You?”

This is a good question to see if they are expecting more freedom and responsibility than you are willing to give. Does their answer express balance, or is it one sided?

4. “What Could We Work On To Improve Our Relationship?”

This question aligns you with them against the problem.  What can we do makes you both active participants in improving your relationship.  You probably know what you want to do, however allowing them to offer a suggestion and trying it their way (if reasonable) is a great starting point for movement.  

5. “What Would You Like To Do More Of, In Our Relationship?”

All of the kids I work with want a good relationship with their parents. This question opens a door for you to create those activities that ‘our thing’ for you and your teen.

6. “What Do We Argue About The Most, And How Can We Find A Solution To That Problem?”

This question turns the tables on them and allows them to have a say with you in solving that big problem. Again it aligns you both against the problem instead of against each other.

7. “How Does It Make You Feel When We Argue?”

Obviously you hope it doesn’t make them energized and powerful.  If they feel as sad and upset as you, it is a reminder to continue working on healthy solutions to disagreements.

8. “What Are Your Future Goals, And How Can I Support You?”

This question is great because it gives you actionable steps you can do to continue to show your love and support in a way that they want, need, and receive.  

9. “When Do You Want To Take The Next Step In Our Relationship, And What Is The Next Step?”

This question is about commitment.  What are we committing to and when are we committing to doing it.  

10. “What kind of relationship do you want us to have in five years?”

This forward thinking question allows you both to work together for common goals in the same direction. It is great to remind them that your relationship is lifelong and not just while they are a minor and living in your home.

Want more tips, advice, and support?  Now is the perfect time to join my Solution Focused Parenting Group.  It is a FREE group for parents just like you!