Last week my 5 year old was asking to sleep with a bucket next to her bed because she felt ‘sick’.  Of course she only felt sick at bed time and right before school.  It might be obvious for other kids, she was trying to avoid going to school; except, she never wants to miss school. Unlike my older daughter who never wants to go to school, she normally refuses to miss school.

One of the things  us mom’s know is when our kids are off their baseline behavior (acting outside their norm).  So obviously I decided to test a theory.  I told her that when I am nervous or worried about something sometimes I feel like I am going to throw up.  I asked her if something at school was making her nervous.  Remember, she is in pre-school (late birthday).  She said yes, that at recess the boys are chasing her and they don’t stop.  That she doesn’t want to be chased and sometimes she doesn’t want to play with a specific friend.

We talked about some solutions, and I assured her I would let her teachers know her concerns in the morning.  Checked in with the teachers and sure enough the boys are chasing the girls and she recognized that Reagan didn’t seem happy about it.  Also, the friend she normally likes playing with and now said she didn’t want to play with her all the time was one of the girls initiating the chase game.

And just like magic, the tummy aches went away.

Kids stress at all ages!  If you have a teenager, you can guarantee that they are stressing about something during the day.  It is harder to recognize baseline behavior shifting when it goes un noticed for a long period of time, or dismissed as a normal change in growing older.

Some of the symptoms for teenagers can be:

Emotional: This can look like general sadness, appearing agitated, anxious, irritable and sometimes indifferent and detached.  If they are snapping at you, there is probably some underlying stress.  Stress can also have them feeling helpless and hopeless.

Physical: Your teen may appear overly tired, complaining of headaches, stomach aches, chest pains, loss of appetite, and even dizziness or constipation.  These feelings can cause them to lose interest in things they normally enjoy and also get them to stop participating in physical activities like sports or PE. You may actually see a physical changes in their appearance as well as weight loss or gain, poor hygiene, or irregular period cycles for girls.

Behavioral: Behavioral changes may look like, not sleeping or sleeping all the time, not eating, or overeating.  They may also show signs of fidgeting, restless pacing, or other nervous habits like nail biting.

Cognitive:  This may appear as forgetfulness, lack of focus, poor judgement, or a negative outlook on life and themselves.  They may appear irrational as their ability to process and think is impaired.

I’ve created a list of 5 of the things that  stress your child out:

  1. Drastic Changes

As adults, we are more accustomed to the fact that life can turn on a dime.  We’ve dealt with moving, break-ups, death of a loved one, etc.  Teens are experiencing these things for the first time. Any big changes will stress them out, even if it seems like a positive change like getting to drive or starting their first job.

  1. Family Problems

Anything that affects the family, affects your teen.  If you have a strained marriage, illness in the family, behavioral issues with a sibling, or financial issues, this can all be big stressors for your teen.

  1. Peers

Your teen wants to be accepted.  By you and by their peers.  Peers have a huge influence on your teens happiness and misery.  You can be sure that they are being pressured in some way: from laughing at things that might be mean to someone else, joining or not joining an activity, participating in something they don’t want to do and the like.  Do you remember high school? At some point friend groups are fighting with a member and discourse in the group is a big source of stress.

  1. School

Your teen knows that they have expectations by you and their teachers for their time at school.  It is rare that parents ask their teens what do they hope to get out of school.  What grades do they want? How ready do they feel for calculous? If they are struggling in school with grades, friends, focus, showering in the locker room, etc. they are going to be stressed.

  1. You

You may not realize it,  but you stress your child out!  If you are stressed, yelling, angry all the time,  or rushing through your interactions they will notice.  They want things to be calm and easy.  They aren’t equipped to handle your stress.  So leave work at work, and deal with your stress in healthy ways.  Remember to vent to friends instead of in front of your kids.  They have enough to stress about already.

Need tips to help de-stress? Want to learn some methods to share with your teen?  Join my private Facebook Group! This week we are going to discuss the DBT PLEASE skill and Mindfulness and other methods!

I look forward to connecting with you