Traditional therapy fails parents by focusing on the child as a problem. It labels them as ‘troubled teens’, or other more difficult labels such as oppositional defiant disorder. This creates a more invalidating environment and splits parents from their children and visa versa.

It also creates children who ‘play a part’ or ‘rebel’ and in both cases crawl deeper into a dark abyss of depression.  The child suffers; the parent suffers, the family suffers. 

I have had a countless number of teens in front of me who are fed up with being in therapy year after year being told they are wrong and a problem that needs solved. 

In traditional therapy parents passively get stuck in a helpless role of being told what is wrong and where their child deviates from ‘normal’ which locks them into a narrative of problem focused.  This means, that at home, parents are always looking for the problem behaviors and who to blame.   Basically, if you are always looking for problems, you will always find problems.  

What is Solution Focused Parenting?

Solution Focused Parenting is derived from Solution Focused Brief Therapy, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, and Positive Psychology.

Solution Focused Parenting moves the parents from what is wrong onto what is right.  It creates a conversation around the skills and resources the family already have and places the parents as the experts.  This gives the parents the responsibility for setting and reaching goals, while teaching them behavioral strategies to reinforce the behavior they want to see to make it happen more.

Solution Focused Parenting focuses on solutions driven by what is present and leads to more pleasant interactions verses what is missing or causing problems.  Solution Focused Parenting changes the language from the way you think about the ‘problem’ into how you focus on the solution. 

Another deviation from traditional therapy is that Solution Focused Parenting is brief.  Long term interventions creates dependency on the therapist and places them as the expert.  It maintains the therapist is responsible for solutions and achieving goals.  This is not the case.  Solution Focused Parenting strengthens the parents role as the expert by focusing on their skill building despite the participation level of their child/children.  This is not to suggest that longer term support can not be helpful.  Having check-ins is recommended. 

Solution Focused Parenting:

Eliminates Blame

Stops Past-ing (bringing up the past over and over)

Positions Parents As Experts

Focuses On Present & Future

Does Not Require Child Participation

Teaches Parents New Skills

Is A Brief Intervention With Long Term Changes

Is Strength Based

Includes Behaviorism Principles

How Can It Help Your Teen?

Solution Focused Therapy can help your teen by creating an environment that not only validates him/her but also recognizes their strengths and value.

It shifts them from the assigned ‘problem child’ to an active valid member of the family.  In short, it communicates to them that they are loved, valued, and not broken.

When your teen feels valued and given the space to be their authentic self, they naturally decrease behaviors that are occurring to function as challenging you and your role in their life.

They may still suffer from mood and mental health issues, but it creates an environment that supports their challenges and offers healthier solutions in dealing with those struggles.

For the parents, it creates boundaries and consistency. It relieves guilt and blame.  It creates space for you to enjoy your child.  It allows you to be on solid ground again.

When you feel better, you are more patient and more effective.

Wouldn’t it be great if you could feel in control again?  If you could start looking to the relationship you will have with your child in 5 years with hope and excitement?

If you would like to learn more or receive support please join my private Facebook group.

I look forward to connecting.