Two years ago, I lost it… my ‘cool’ I mean.  In Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), the reasonable mind is considered your ‘cool’ mind. So, when I say I lost my cool, I literally mean I lost my ability to reason.

Let me tell you what happened.  July 29, 2016 was like any other day.  The kids and I were at home doing art, cleaning, etc.  I had finally caught up on things (except laundry, cause, are we ever really caught up on laundry?) so I decided to wash the couch cushion covers.

I strategically placed them in my living room so their fluff would easily go back into the covers after the wash.  My kids were instructed not to touch them several times (because they were young you have to keep telling them).

The fluff made it fully intact through the wash cycle and was on the last 15 minutes of the dry cycle when my 5 month old baby needed to eat.  Since I was nursing, that required me to go attend to her.  While I was going to get her from her crib, change her diaper and bring her down to the living room to eat (seriously 3 minutes tops), guess what happened!!! Yes, those other 2 little girls of mine decided to jump into the couch fluff as if it were a pile of leaves on warm autumn day.

Maybe it was postpartum emotions, maybe it was exhaustion, maybe it was that I felt disrespected, but I lost it.  In my scary calm low mom voice (you know the one you have that makes people back up a little and think “Woah” that sounds kind of scary) I told my older 2  “Get to your room now!”.   I walked to the play room and put the baby in the pack n play, and went back to the room and looked at the mess and screamed. I don’t even know what I screamed, maybe “why” –maybe the F-word… – maybe “no!” what ever it was, my throat was sore for a good 12 hours after.

The one remaining cushion unharmed

4 couch cushions mashed together

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I text my husband (I still have the screen shot somewhere) that said “Come home now before Keaton (my youngest) is an only child” He responded “On my way” (Good husband).

**Disclosure, the kids were never in danger, the text was only for effect**

I felt rage.

I was hot!

Like reasonable mind is considered our ‘cool’ mind, emotion mind is considered our ‘hot’ mind.  You’ve probably heard people call someone a ‘hot head’ if they are prone to acting impulsively when angry. That is because they are acting from emotion.

For a moment,  I felt out of control.

I sat on the stairs, frozen in the overwhelming thoughts of how to separate the right amount of fluff to go back into each pillow, of touching the fluff I was convinced was the home for all the spiders in the house and I felt myself getting more angry.

In that moment, the one thing that cooled me down was praying. I asked God to be with me, and it calmed me down.  I was able to reason again.

This was part of the DBT skill ‘IMPROVE’ the moment.

I = imagery

M=meaning

P=prayer

R=relaxation

O=one thing in the moment

V=vacation

E=encouragement

 

This skill works because it replaces immediate negative events with more positive ones.  These changes include cognitive techniques, changing body responses, and acceptance and letting go.

This week in my private Facebook group, I’m going to dive deeper into each of these skills and show you how and when to use them! If you haven’t joined yet, it is a free advice and support group for parents with behaviorally challenged kids of all ages.

I look forward to connecting with you,